KILLJOY
by sweet-and-simple
Summary: Tentacle monsters beware. SasuLee


Everywhere he looked, green and white viscous fluid was spattered with no artistic taste. Strips of transparent membrane stuck to the ceiling, wriggled in their death rows on the floor, and slid sloppily down the walls.

To even get into the room, he had to step over a large blob of… something. He slipped through the slimy mess, sandals becoming slick.

Displeased was not the most appropriate word he could use for how he felt, but there was disgust and even a small amount of curiosity too, so it would have to do. Anything stronger and he wouldn't be able to define exactly everything he was going through at the moment.

In the center of the ooey gooey, nauseatingly chunky chaos was a bed. And, in that bed, was a very contrite looking young man, looking at him with huge, innocent eyes.

"I was surprised," was the first thing the other man said as he made his way over. "I woke up and it was there and – I was defending my honor! – I was not aware of what I was doing! You see, it was… Well…"

The man flushed darkly and looked down. "I acted on instinct."

He glared and smirked at the same time; pissed off because of the mess, but turned on at the same time. His lover's shy, remorseful side was too… cute. "Instinct."

"Well, it was more reflexive… It was there, I was in danger, and…"

"This happened," he finished for the man.

He received a nod and another flustered look for his excellent deduction skills.

"And what was it before it was… this?"

"I can only guess!"

"You got a better look at it than I did."

The man sputtered. "Yes, that, that is true, but –"

"Lee," he interrupted. "What the hell died here?"

His lover suddenly became avidly interested in his own hands. "It looked like… tentacles."

"What was it attached to?"

"That is just it! It was just tentacles."

"A… tentacle monster…"

"Yes."

"In our bedroom."

"Yes."

"And you killed it." Smashed, pulverized, and used its innards for a mediocre paintjob, it looked like.

"It was being obtrusive!" Lee squawked and held a messy, wet blanket tighter around himself.

"… Hnnn…." He fiddled with some words in his mind, a few different ways to direct his next question. He narrowed his eyes and cocked his head, tongue swiping over his teeth. "How was it being obtrusive?"

"It – well – I – you know – tentacles – _naked_ –" were several of the things he caught as Lee muttered lowly.

He closed his eyes tightly and took a deep, calming breath. "Lee, shut up." His lover growled at the less-than-polite order, but, seeing as how he really didn't seem to know what else to say, he obeyed.

For once.

"There was a tentacle monster in our bedroom," he began, feeling he had to start from the beginning to completely comprehend this weird phenomenon.

"Yes." Lee nodded vigorously.

"You were naked."

"We had just made love!" Lee cried out. "I fell asleep that way. You turned off my alarm! I should have woken up three hours ago!"

"You're sexy naked," he admitted, and Lee's mouth snapped shut and his face turned cherry red. "Waking up to your bare ass in bed makes me want to roll over and fuck you good morning."

That had been his plan earlier today, too. But then a messenger hawk had been at the window the moment he had been about to mount his drowsy lover and his morning had taken a turn towards dull and sexually unsatisfying.

"A-anyone can be s-sexy when they are naked," Lee stuttered.

"You're sexier," he haughtily responded. And it was true – when Lee wasn't naked, he was wearing that eye-blistering spandex suit, and not even Lee with his lithe, skinny figure could pull it off.

Lee's sensei was another case entirely. If he hadn't already known that the leotards were fireproof, he would have used his Fire Release: Great Fireball Technique on them.

Those suits were near resistant to every method he thought up to destroy them with.

He stared at his lover's naked chest, pale, glossy scars stretched over milky tea skin.

He blinked slowly and took in the green sheen on the blanket Lee was clutching.

"Damn it, Lee, don't distract me!"

Lee gaped. "But I was not –"

"You were naked," he began again, "with a tentacle monster in the room. And it was being obtrusive."

"We have been over this!"

"How far did it get?"

"Now that, that is, what?"

He stepped over a long, thin, flailing membrane, bringing him that much closer to his mortified lover. "Was it holding you down?"

"It _tried_ to, but, you know, I…"

Didn't respond well to being held down. Yes, he did know that. Rock Lee, renowned taijutsu artist, had broken more than one of their beds when they were playing with bondage kinks.

Of course, Lee had no issue holding _him_ down. And riding his cock. Ass squeezing down, muscled legs flexing and un-flexing, Lee's hands fisted on his chest, screaming his name –

"And that was when you killed it," he guessed, mentally shaking off the blatantly arousing memories.

Lee shook his head slowly. "There were too many tentacles…"

He felt his eyebrow twitch. "So how far _did_ it get?"

"Well, it, it put one tentacle down my throat and – well – started –" Lee was looking just about as green as the walls.

He decided, through the red film of possessive rage, that he didn't want to hear Lee say it. "Anything else?"

Lee's voice got really low. "It probed me… _down there_."

Suddenly, he was very upset that the monster was dead.

He very much wanted to torture and kill it himself.

"It did not, you know, get _inside_, but… I had to open the Gate of Healing before I could get free."

"And then you killed it."

"It was a reflex! I was free, there was a monster in the room, and I was very upset! So I hit it and it…" Lee looked uneasily around the room. "Exploded."

"Just like that."

"Yes."

"You hit it once."

"Yes."

"You're cleaning up this mess."

Lee ducked his head low and nodded. "I know."

He managed to avoid a gob of slime coming down from the ceiling and leaned down to catch his lover's face in one hand. Roughly, he kissed Lee, asserting himself as the badass alpha he was, simply for the sake of making sure that Lee knew who his mouth belonged to. There was a distinct taste of aloe and sugar water that he instantly grew to hate and he stabbed his tongue past Lee's lips, drowning out the invading tang.

When he finally pulled away, Lee leaned in to follow him, looking very dazed and half-wanton.

He ran his tongue over his lips, savoring the clean and salty flavor of his lover over the monster. "Hn. I guess it can't be helped."

"What?" Lee asked, still hazy.

"I'll help you."

"Oh. That is nice of you, Sasu-kun. It is not your mess to clean up, though…"

"I'm not doing it to be nice." He gave his infamous Uchiha glare and Lee blinked innocently up at him. "The faster we get this cleaned up, the quicker I can fuck you and put my mark on you."

He stood up and went in search of a mop. He wasn't sure how much good it would do, but they had to start somewhere and they needed to start fast.

"Fucking monsters with tentacles," he groused to himself. "They _would_ molest _my_ Lee."

~::~

Author's Note: I was looking at tentacle monster pictures today on Y!Gallery. Actually, this one came up accidentally when I was just browsing, bored and not wanting to do any cleaning. For some reason, it made me want to make fun of tentacle monsters. I hope I did well at what I set out to do.

Story icon was made at and I do not own the characters of Naruto. The tentacle monster, however, is mine.

R.I.P.

Original Tentacle Monster

October 1, 2012, who the hell knows PM – October 1, 2012, 5:43 PM

It exploded a virgin


End file.
